My Struggles With the Concept of a “Fresh New Year”.

“2008″. . .I still cringe when I say it. I have been struck with that same state of melancholy that blankets my soul immediately after the Christmas holiday has passed. Partly, that is because I tend to reflect on the collection of the 365 days that just passed me by while trying to figure out how I can improve the next round of 365 days that are ahead of me.

I have always heard that women handle change much better than men. I wish that I were one of those women. If I am going to change, it has to be SO drastic that it spins me off of my axis and into a whole new universe. Drastic change seems to create a mental numbness that puts me into survival mode. As the numbness begins to wear off, I am left wondering if I need to spin off of my axis again to find yet another universe to blindly explore.

The reason that I use this analogy is because I was very recently presented with a job opportunity that would not only provide the benefits that I so desperately need, but also a handsome salary and rather large office. Initially, I thought that this so called “opportunity” couldn’t have arrived at a better time as I have been ramping up for a that proverbial big spin that would launch me right off of my current path and into something shockingly new.

I attended the formal job interview yesterday, dressed in that same stuffy business attire that I so happily pushed to the back of my closet a year and a half ago. The suit that I wore is still in fashion but fit a bit more snug than I remember, which reminded me of yet another thing that I need to change in 2008.

As my would-be boss explained his expectations of my would-be job performance, all I could think about was my journey as a glass artist. It was a layoff from a job much like this one that launched my career as a lampworker. The journey has been like a roller coaster. . .So many ups, downs, loops, and curves. You never really know what might be around the bend. . .All you can do is hold your breath and hope that the track doesn’t fall out from under you as your round the next corner.

I barely remember the moments as I departed the stuffy office building, wearing my snug and stuffy suit. My mind’s mental flash player presented slide shows of the beads that I had made over the past year as I made the drive home. They served as a reminder of what I would be leaving behind if I went back to the cold corporate world that I at one time wanted so badly to get away from.

The first three photos above are of some of the beads that I thought about on my ride home from the interview. They were created in early 2007 and were sort of a launching pad for the work that would follow over the next year.

This next grouping of photos are of beads that I made in late 2007/early 2008. They remind me of my progress over the past year. They also help me to know that my happiness and peace can only be found within the four walls of my basement studio.